Fine. I'll sleep in my office
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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