Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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