Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
