dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
