get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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