Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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