i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
