Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
