I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
