My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
