I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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