trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
