Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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