Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think I sprained my soul last night
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
