hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Small penises have feelings too.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
