Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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