no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
