Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
