I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
