hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wish there were birth control emojis
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
