I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
