I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
