He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
