I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
