alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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