But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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