Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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