yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
