Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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