It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
