oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
