When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
