I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
