i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
