I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize