booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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