hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
