Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
