Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
