yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
