oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
