I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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