i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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