Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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