I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
