Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
