I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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