just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
