So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
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We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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