Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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