my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
