Already got asked if we're dating
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
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my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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