Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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