There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
