Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
