Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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