Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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