the condom got lost in my hair
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
