Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
