My hand turned me down
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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