Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
