Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
