Someone shit on the floor
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
