What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
