so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
