i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
