I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
