Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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