Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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