First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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