tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
