His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
