I just threw up on my dentist
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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