...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
