my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
