You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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