Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
