Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
