My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize