no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
