Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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