Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
